A Little Lost
((MOOD)) 
((MUSIC)) "Cryin" - Aerosmith
Ever get to a point in your life that you go.....where the hell am I....really? I'm getting ready to move soon, I get to have animals at this apartment (thank gawd), my husband and I will be living there with his brother. Which won't be a problem, his room is on the opposite end and it's a decent sized place and he's lived with a couple before. We are all pretty close. He hangs out with us when we/he aren't/ isn't working anyway.
So because of the moving, I've gotten excited and haven't been sleeping....hell....I don't get tired til 3-4 am..and I don't pass out until 5-6am....it's starting to wear me down. I'm not working because of the move..and I was sick of their bullshit, but i'm currently looking. What i really want to do is write my stories...but i've had so much on my mind that i just can't. My parents just got divorced...that wore me out cause they were kinda bringing me into it. My mom is dating a man who is 17 years younger than her....4 years older than me...and the same age as my husband.....so that has kinda eroded away some of my sanity. Now mom has a tattoo on her lower back...when I don't even have one......the one who kinda wierded out when I had a second set of holes in my ears. This is like the feminine form of mid-life crisis. My mother, who used to be the shy quiet type in school, then self -conscious over-weight woman, is now lost weight...not all but most, and is acting like a teenager. The real party kind too. Some parts of me aren't surprised, my mother is a very open woman......but.....still weirds me out O.o;.
This isn't the only thing wearing me down, the move too...just very excited, but worrying about money....finding a job...not believing in myself...i gained like 10 pounds and i'm depressed. *sigh* Other times i'm fine, but i've just stressed myself and i'm worn out. I've been packing too, and i'm the only one doing it.
Yes, i know, you're thinking, 'Make your husband help' and 'lazy bum of a husband', quite the contrary, he's working two jobs....with no days off. He goes to work at one job from five til like 9pm then at 10 leaves for his graveyard shift at the other til 8:30 in the morning and then sleeps, wakes up...and does it all over again. He feels extremely bad for it too. He hates being away from me, leaving me alone at night. Bought me roses today because i was feeling so down, the sweetheart. Sure...some of you might be suspicious..'.overnighter, yeah right...do you see any of that money?' Of course i do...i control the account. I have the checkbook, because he's poor at keeping track of things, i know his paydays which are every week. I take the check..and i deposit it, i pay the bills accordingly to what we can afford and when. he has a credit card, since i made it joint, but it is my account and i even watch it on the net to make sure (a certain company who's fucked us over once) doesn't do it again. I keep my records. So my husband is helpful when he's awake and can help. It's just wearing me out with the packing and i have a tendency to worry unnecessarily over nothing at all and i get over excited. I really need to relax more. *sigh* I guess the drinking of over 5 soda's a day doesn't help either? O.o; i really need to like take a bubble bath or something...only i packed the bubbles....>.< shoot me now... *jams to some H.I.M.* I'll go try to calm myself...*yawns* ....well there's a good sign at least....maybe i can pass-out early today.
((MUSIC)) "Cryin" - Aerosmith
Ever get to a point in your life that you go.....where the hell am I....really? I'm getting ready to move soon, I get to have animals at this apartment (thank gawd), my husband and I will be living there with his brother. Which won't be a problem, his room is on the opposite end and it's a decent sized place and he's lived with a couple before. We are all pretty close. He hangs out with us when we/he aren't/ isn't working anyway.
So because of the moving, I've gotten excited and haven't been sleeping....hell....I don't get tired til 3-4 am..and I don't pass out until 5-6am....it's starting to wear me down. I'm not working because of the move..and I was sick of their bullshit, but i'm currently looking. What i really want to do is write my stories...but i've had so much on my mind that i just can't. My parents just got divorced...that wore me out cause they were kinda bringing me into it. My mom is dating a man who is 17 years younger than her....4 years older than me...and the same age as my husband.....so that has kinda eroded away some of my sanity. Now mom has a tattoo on her lower back...when I don't even have one......the one who kinda wierded out when I had a second set of holes in my ears. This is like the feminine form of mid-life crisis. My mother, who used to be the shy quiet type in school, then self -conscious over-weight woman, is now lost weight...not all but most, and is acting like a teenager. The real party kind too. Some parts of me aren't surprised, my mother is a very open woman......but.....still weirds me out O.o;.
This isn't the only thing wearing me down, the move too...just very excited, but worrying about money....finding a job...not believing in myself...i gained like 10 pounds and i'm depressed. *sigh* Other times i'm fine, but i've just stressed myself and i'm worn out. I've been packing too, and i'm the only one doing it.
Yes, i know, you're thinking, 'Make your husband help' and 'lazy bum of a husband', quite the contrary, he's working two jobs....with no days off. He goes to work at one job from five til like 9pm then at 10 leaves for his graveyard shift at the other til 8:30 in the morning and then sleeps, wakes up...and does it all over again. He feels extremely bad for it too. He hates being away from me, leaving me alone at night. Bought me roses today because i was feeling so down, the sweetheart. Sure...some of you might be suspicious..'.overnighter, yeah right...do you see any of that money?' Of course i do...i control the account. I have the checkbook, because he's poor at keeping track of things, i know his paydays which are every week. I take the check..and i deposit it, i pay the bills accordingly to what we can afford and when. he has a credit card, since i made it joint, but it is my account and i even watch it on the net to make sure (a certain company who's fucked us over once) doesn't do it again. I keep my records. So my husband is helpful when he's awake and can help. It's just wearing me out with the packing and i have a tendency to worry unnecessarily over nothing at all and i get over excited. I really need to relax more. *sigh* I guess the drinking of over 5 soda's a day doesn't help either? O.o; i really need to like take a bubble bath or something...only i packed the bubbles....>.< shoot me now... *jams to some H.I.M.* I'll go try to calm myself...*yawns* ....well there's a good sign at least....maybe i can pass-out early today.
posted by Kasumi at 8:05 PM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home